I don’t want pity. I am not writing this to gain sympathy or to have a moan. I decided to start writing a blog as a way to get my feelings around mental health and my own mental health experiences out of my jumbled busy head and onto paper. I hope it will help me make sense of my mental health, the reasons I sometimes struggle and to help me appreciate what a strong and incredible person I am today.
So let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start.
My childhood was interesting to say the least and is definitely where I went from being normal to crazy! My parents divorced when I was 3 and my dad started a new relationship with a family friend and today I can say I feel this was the best thing my Dad ever did as my Stepmum is awesome and their marriage is something I aspire to have one day. However at the time it was very confusing for me. I was one of only two kids that I can remember in my primary school who had divorced parents, alternate weekends with parents, alternate christmases, school holidays and two very different parenting styles with opposite rules which of course had an effect on me.
I was a very angry child all the way through to my teens about my parents break up with the blame going all over the place in my head. Other than that though I have a lot of happy memories with both parents. There is one tough memory I have which I want to share though.
I remember my fifth/sixth birthday my mum wouldn’t let me see my dad on my birthday. A usual occurrence on her part for any special occasion to be as difficult as possible. So my Dad and Stepmum had to wait on a bench outside my school to give me a gift whilst my mum hurried me into school. That memory still makes me so sad that these short exchanges had to happen and something I vow if I ever have kids I will ensure never happens. Kids need all parents in their life and can never be subject to too much love and this is definitely a reason why family is the most important thing to me whether it be blood, step or friends we class as family.
By my teens I could make my own decisions how much time I spent with each parent and whilst this caused issues with one half of my parents it did mean I appreciated that time with each half because I wanted to be there rather than be there because I was obligated to.
The toughest thing in my teens was choosing who to spend birthdays and christmases with. I hate having to make that decision and upset one half of the parents and sometimes had to go where I felt I should go rather than where I wanted to. These days I do this differently and try to be a bit more selfish as I am entitled to spend my christmases where I want as well surely? Christmas is now a huge family get together and we make some amazing memories together and it’s always fun.
Once I got to 14 that is where things changed and I feel my mental health issues really started. My relationship at the time with my Dad wasn’t great and I was working at a restaurant next to my mums house and this is where my problems began after I mistook a man there taking advantage of me as ‘love’ and affection which I now realise to be inappropriate.
Here ends the first ramblings of my life as a self confessed ‘crazy person.’
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