Let’s take a break from my story. I want to share my thoughts, feelings and advice on managing mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD from an abusive relationship and I am pretty bloody good at managing everything so that it doesn’t affect my life too much.
A mental health diagnosis does not have to be everything in your life, it doesn’t have to be something you can’t control. After my biggest depressive episode to date back in 2015 (more on this later!) someone said something to me which changed my whole thought process on mental health.
I had a disciplinary at work due to having so much time off for mental health and so I wasn’t supposed to take any days off for the next few months. My response was ‘what about when this happens again?’ To which my boss replied why does it have to happen again. I realised then you don’t have to wait for lows to happen and sit in them. You make an effort to make changes in your life to prevent it.
If you push people away when you are low and want to hide under the duvet which I quite often do then do the opposite! I have a couple of good friends who know all about my mental health struggles. If I am feeling low I know I can message them and pop round for a cuppa or go to the pub. As much as I don’t want to go I always feel better for it.
Another thing I do is blare my favourite songs and create my own episode of carpool karaoke. Singing along to Valerie, living on a prayer or the entire back catalogue of BLUE albums always makes me feel better.
The main thing which turned my life around though was horses. Before I started riding three years ago I would spend most of my weekend under the duvet in the dark watching Netflix. If that way of life doesn’t make you depressed I don’t know what will! Now if I don’t have to be up early to go to the stables I am climbing the walls by 10am!
Someone let me sit on their horse and be led round and that was that I came home did some Facebook searching and found Berkshire Riding Centre and that was that. Now i spend a huge amount of time there at weekends. If I have a bad day at work I go and cuddle a horse. I have so many friends there it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I class them as my BRC family.
I am however still learning to master my anxiety. I was never really overly anxious until three years ago. I don’t remember anxiety as a kid or a teenager it’s a very recent thing. At the worst time I couldn’t go anywhere social, I didn’t go to a friends wedding reception as I couldn’t arrive and walk in alone and to this day I still can’t walk in to meet people in a public place on my own I have to meet them outside.
I try to push myself more to do things I don’t want to. In recent months I have walked into a friends birthday bbq at her house on my own which made me feel so sick but so proud when I did it. I’ve also set up a book club and gone to a bar and met with these women who I have never met before. Something I would never do a year ago.
I have just started back on a dose of anti anxiety tablets because I am fed up of the sick, knots in my stomach feeling and having recently had a traumatic time I accepted I needed medication. I have however been free of anti depressants for over 18 months now. Coming off those was the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to make sure I work my hardest to not go back on them again for that reason. I think they are great and helpful but they don’t solve a problem they just make you numb to emotions fix the problem don’t allow the problem to continue and ignore it.
I also have an amazing counsellor who I met through my work counselling scheme. I have been seeing her for many years and it is so helpful to be able to go and talk to someone who doesn’t pass judgement but helps me process and understand my thoughts from a different perspective. I have recently gone back to her after not seeing her for a year and I am pretty good at realising when I need to talk. If you suffer with mental health issues I really do recommend seeing a counsellor. To begin with it feels like a chore but it does help if you let it.
So my tips for managing mental health: play happy music and sing along, force yourself to see friends and get out of the house, find a hobby you are passionate about, counselling helps and most of all DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY!
My happy playlist:
Mr Blue sky by ELO
Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi
Valerie by Amy Winehouse
Rolling in the deep by Adele
Club Tropicana by Wham
Livin la Vida loca by Ricky Martin
One Love by Blue
Get Down on it by Blue
Roar by Katie Perry
You get what you give by New Radicals
Here ends another rambling of life as a self confessed ‘crazy’ person.
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