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Regrets

  1. I have always loved love and dream of the fairy tale happily ever after, quite possibly watched one too many Jennifer Aniston movies! So when a guy came along to seemingly promise me everything I wanted I was so blinded by love I didn’t see the warning signs. And it ended up taking me to the darkest place I have ever been in my life. 

I met Mark on a night out with a guy I was dating. We met in the smoking area (So romantic!!) and were talking about football as we were all football fans. He was on a night out with his mate as well and we ended up sitting drinking together for the rest of the evening. From then on we were inseparable. He had a girlfriend who was lovely and so we were a foursome. 

However on a night out the guy I was dating turned creepy after one too many drinks and I ended up leaving him there and mark having to take me to collect my stuff from the guys house the next day. So we became a group of three: me, Mark and his girlfriend. 

Now I know I shouldn’t but the more time we spent together the more I could feel the chemistry building between him and I. Eventually it became impossible to ignore and he ended things with his girlfriend to be with me. Whilst this wasn’t the nicest thing to ‘steal’ someone’s boyfriend I will point out that we did nothing until he had ended that relationship. 

I ended up moving in with him within 6 weeks and engaged within 8 weeks. I had never been proposed to before so I was so swept up in the joy I totally missed how wrong it all was. 

The Friday night before he proposed he made it fairly obvious he was planning it. Messaging my best mate about rings and I totally knew what was going to happen. He even couldn’t keep his plan secret me knowing he was planning on doing a Chelsea stadium tour and proposing in the press room. However the next day he found out there were no tours that day. 

I even went and got my nails done with a bow detail on my ring fingers because I knew what was planned. A girl should never know she is going to be proposed to, even if she suspects it should be a surprise and not feel so regimented and expected. Then he picked me up from the nail bar in a foul mood telling me how his plan had fallen apart and he couldn’t get the ring he wanted. 

We then went back to mine and he put it in a rose from a bunch he had bought me a few days before and asked me there and then. Didn’t go down on one knee and looking back now there was no romance to the moment in the slightest. The ring wasn’t even my taste and ended up finding out later it was a cheap £100 H Samuels costume ring. I know it’s not about the cost but seriously!

So then we were in a bit of a bubble until our engagement party night when it all ended as fast as it started. We had our engagement party the day before my birthday. The funny thing is that was an EPIC party with karaoke and I had so much fun and yet hen and I spent the whole night apart with our own friends. Something pointed out to me after which isn’t normal for an engagement party. 

Mark got very drunk and it was the first time I had seen him have more than a couple of shandies. Whilst we were waiting for the taxi he totally switched and was shouting at me about how he would never be good enough for my family and how my family looked down on him. To be honest I wouldn’t have blamed them if they had but they had been nothing but welcoming. The good thing about my family even if they don’t agree if I am happy they go with it. 

He ended up walking off in the middle of no where leaving me on my own so I went to my dads one bed apartment expecting to have to sleep on the floor. He then turned up there for the house keys demanding I go back with him which I eventually buckled and agreed to. There was my mistake. 

We got back and the argument continued and got much more heated. My biggest thing is loyalty and I liken myself to a Rottweiler. I am the most loyal lovely person but if you cross my family and loved ones I will do what it takes to protect them. And he pushed it too far and said something about my family and brought my dog into it commenting on how I have a dog who doesn’t live with me. It’s the one and only time I have seen red in my life. 

Then things took a turn and got physical and he ended up pinning me down on the bed with his hands around my throat and at one point bent my little finger back grabbing my hands I am amazed he didn’t snap it. It was terrifying and I have never been in a physical fight in my life. I lashed out at him to get him off me and scratched him with my long nails. Yet I ended up with not a mark on me. 

I called the police who got him to leave the property however he came back as soon as they left and they deemed it unsafe to leave me in the property so I ended up being taken to my dads at 2am in a police car. There’s a first!! I spent the next day my birthday getting my stuff out of his house and into storage and coming to terms with being homeless. Fortunately my friend took me in and I found a new place within a few weeks. 

Mark then continued with mental abuse saying he was going to kill him self and threatening to harm himself. I so nearly went back. Thank god my Dad turned around and said he would never speak to me again if I did. My dad is the most Important relationship in my life so of course I didn’t. Forever grateful he said that to me. 

Slowly I got my life back on track or so I thought. It wasn’t until five months later on 15th December that the trauma caught up with me. 

Here ends another rambling of life as a self confessed ‘crazy’ person.

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