Skip to main content

Finding my place in life

Meeting the love of my life the day I lost Toro was an incredible thing in both ways. I completely believe everything happens for a reason and that day that was so true. I always tell Jack that he was the shining light that found me on my darkest day. 

I went to the pub after saying my goodbyes with a couple of friends because I didn’t want to go home and be alone. It was late May bank holiday and we were sitting on a bench outside. This scruffy guy came up and said excuse me I thought he was going to ask for a lighter or something but he asked for my number. 

This has never happened to me in my life before! I was a little unsure but hesitantly gave him my number. Then when I asked him his name and he said Jack that was the first coincidence. The day after was the 8th anniversary of my old boyfriend Jacks death so that was a sign. 

Since then another coincidence in our relationship was that morning before I said goodbye to Toro I went on a hack in Windsor great park. Jack proposed to me under the copper horse in the great park not knowing this until I told him afterwards. 

I truly do believe he is my soulmate because of all these coincidences we have in our lives. We often think something and the other then says it and tested this theory by guessing correctly way too many times how many fingers the other is holding up behind their back!!

On our third date he bought me a flatscreen tv so that we could watch the new series of black mirror. He pretty much moved in to my hell hole of a house share after that and by the end of July we were living in our own 2 bedroom house and by the end of August we had a kitten. 

It is incredible to look back to where I was 12 months ago and all that I have now. When I have bouts of depression I really try to focus on the gratitude I have for the universe for finally letting me have my happy ever after and living the life I have craved for so long. 

I love having someone to cook for and look after in life and boy does he need looking after. In 8 months I have managed to save his life, get him eating vegetables and living healthier and we both feel so much more settled. A year to the day that we met we will get married 27.05.20. So no longer is that a day of sadness for saying goodbye to toro but it will be a special day. I have a locket with his tail hair plaited in it and it will be attached to my wedding dress or flowers on the day so he is with me. 

Here ends another rambling of my life as a self confessed ‘crazy’ person. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Reflection on a crazy August!

I think I may have truly lived up to the name of this blog in August! Not only did I get married in lockdown but I also decided to give myself a running challenge to fundraise for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust at the same time! all whilst there was a heat wave which meant I lost a week of running time as well. After suffering my ectopic pregnancy back in March, I went looking for further information on it as its something you never think will happen when you fall pregnant and I had so many questions and thats when I found the EPT. Their website was full of useful information on recovery, how your fertility is affected and lots of inspiring stories from others who have been through the same thing.  Also as part of my recovery I decided to get running and completed the Couch to 5K running app. Due to lockdown exercise options were limited and I found the endorphins from running really helped my mental health. Jack says I am always much happier on days that I run compared to days when I...

Anxiety 101

I have suffered with anxiety for the last five years. I don’t remember ever having it before then. I used to worry a lot less about small things than I do now. I have used anxiety medication twice in the last few years at times when it was uncontrollable.  These days it is a lot better but I have had to find ways to keep calm and relaxed and help keep the anxiety away. I have my favourite music playlist which empowers me to go out and face life.  I also have a lot of baths by candlelight! That is my favourite way to relax. And with Big Bang theory on the iPad so I can lie there and relax. Jack is amazing at knowing when I am stressed and running me a bath, lighting the candles and putting a drink on the side for me to take some time to myself and let it go.  In have in recent weeks also found yoga. I did a trial session last year at champneys and found it amazing for slowing the mind down and encouraging mindfulness which is focusing in the moment and not on ...

Ramblings on how to be happy

Let’s take a break from my story. I want to share my thoughts, feelings and advice on managing mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD from an abusive relationship and I am pretty bloody good at managing everything so that it doesn’t affect my life too much.  A mental health diagnosis does not have to be everything in your life, it doesn’t have to be something you can’t control. After my biggest depressive episode to date back in 2015 (more on this later!) someone said something to me which changed my whole thought process on mental health.  I had a disciplinary at work due to having so much time off for mental health and so I wasn’t supposed to take any days off for the next few months. My response was ‘what about when this happens again?’ To which my boss replied why does it have to happen again. I realised then you don’t have to wait for lows to happen and sit in them. You make an effort to make changes in your life to prevent it....